Strength

 In "A Grief Observed" by CS Lewis, he talks about the laziness of grief. You may say to yourself what? Yes, the laziness of grief.  A grief so deep that it will have you not want to get up in the morning, take a shower, comb your hair, or even care about your appearance.  A grief so deep that it will make you feel weak and not even have a desire to eat.  If you have to press on at work, you found yourself doing the bear minimum and feeling like things are not that valuable anymore.  This type of grief is hidden, but hits you like a baseball while watching a game.

 

The day before my birthday this type of grief made its presence.  It was a nice summer day, but all I wanted to do was stay in my bed and omit my birthday from even coming.  I felt so heavy, so weak, and just didn't care about anything.  I barely wanted to even talk to anyone.  See if feels like a part of me has died.  So the "what's the point" thoughts was weighing heavily on my heart.

I think God understands these feelings, as He had to deal with the grief of our sins.  So He allowed me to express myself for a while on this day.  Yet once I woke up from sleeping the bulk of the day, I heard the word choice.  See as believers we have the privilege to choose.  We can choose to stay in this type of grief or we can look to Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith.  I got up and went in prayer.  I was honest with God.  I told him I just don't feel like it anymore God.  I am hurting. Yet your word says to cast all our cares upon you...so I'm casting this on you Lord.  Give me strength as I in my flesh don't want to go on.

Before I knew it, I was worshiping God.  Remember worship is a weapon! I started to think about how beautiful God is to us.  Thinking about His love on the cross.  Next thing I know, I wanted to shower and before I knew it I received joy.  No, I am still not ok about how on Monday I had a husband and on Tuesday I became a widow.  Nevertheless, when we make the effort to call on HIM in our most vulnerable moment, HE ministers in away that can be hard to describe!

So today I am praying for all widowers strength.  The Lord is the strength of our lives!  It's ok to feel the laziness of grief.  What Abba wants us to do is give him that grief so He can minister in away that no one else can!

Be encourage fellow widowers!