Missing Him

 

As I opened our bedroom closet there it was, all my husband’s shirts, pants, shoes, hats, and his Indiana Jones jacket.  I found my hands touching through his clothes.  I even smelled and hugged that jacket, as I begin to reminisce of the wonderful memories that jacket brought us.  Yet my smile quickly turn into sadness and the tears begin to roll down my cheeks. I ponder on how there will be no more customs, no more making fun of him buying his outfits, no more memories to birth for one another.  Then it hit me, my heart misses him.

September marks the third month that my Larry is now no longer with me in this realm.  I am learning to allow my heart to say it’s okay to miss him.  It’s okay to express the pain.  For Sheila Walsh in her book “It’s Okay Not to Be Okay states, we’re not suppose to have enough. We’re supposed to bring what we have, our clearly not enough, to Jesus and ask Him to meet us where we are.

I am so glad I serve a beautiful Savior that meets me where I am.  He meets my pain of being a widow.  He meets my pain of missing my spouse.  Yet is the THE counselor where He gives me strength to get up and go on.  He gives me comfort when I am in pain, and a peace that I can’t even describe to others.

This hurts but then I am reminded of how God wants to meet that hurt and create another level of intimacy with him.  Remember widows HE bore our grief.  What a wonderful God we serve!

Miss you Larry!