The "I Can't"

 

…He went home after the service and made a list of his “I can’t” (Lucado, p44).

 

The Mann Center was one of Larry and my favorite spots to go.  They have movies with live orchestra of the music playing.  Oh the awesome experience and memories we had there.  So it was understandable when he transitioned that I put it on my “I can’t” list.

Then an event changed that feeling.  I was strolling on Instagram when I saw The Mann Center advertised Hall & Oates along with Kool & the Gang headlining at their Hoagie Fest.  My mind immediately went to the day when Larry and I was driving across the Benjamin Franklin Bridge and saw a billboard of Hall & Oates.  I remember Larry saying “oh we got to go see them.”  Yet I said to myself “I can’t”.

So I proceeded with my day and went to store to get something when I heard the restaurant across the street playing one of Hall & Oates song, Sara Smile.  I just stood there, looking across the street in awe.  Again my mind went back to that sunny day on the bridge with Larry.  It was at the moment when I realized I can allow the “I can’t” to grip my life or bury it in the ocean. The next thing I knew I purchased the ticket.

It was the day of the concert and the mixed feelings I felt was overwhelming.  The drive there was so quiet.  As I was walking towards the entrance, the memories I shared with Larry flashed within my mind.  The laughter and the experiences brought tears to my eyes.  I started to turn around and just leave.  How can I do this without my buddy.  Then I said I can do this.

Was it easy, absolutely not.  Yet God knew.  He touched the heart of my sister Deborah to pray for me, as I suddenly felt my weakness turn to strength.  By the time Kool & the Gang performed, I saw myself enjoying the concert and having fun with my own company.  I was like I did it and I felt a release from the “I can’t.” 

So I encourage fellow widows, do that one thing that you feel the “I can’t” gripping you on due to your spouse no longer being present.  Yes, it will hurt and it will feel painful, but at the end there’s peace to the freedom of being set free from that mentality.  Remember we are still in this realm and as much as we will always miss them, life continues to go on.

Be encouraged!

 

Reference:

Lucado, Max. (2020). You Are Never Alone. USA.