Ruth vs. Orpah

 

As I approach the second anniversary of my husband’s transition, I am finding my emotions hitting me like bricks.  It’s like I’ve been placed on a roller-coaster ride that just doesn’t seem to end.  I was warned that the second year of this widow life can be harder than the first.  I am finding this to be true. It’s because of this I can feel the battle within me.

With my spirit side, I want to be like Ruth.  I have made it no secret that she has become my superhero of the Bible as a widow.  She stepped out on faith and was used to be a blessing to Naomi, and as a result she got more than she could even ask for.  Yet the key is she had to make a decision.  She had to be the one to step out on faith.

This leads me to when that roller-coaster drops down and you get that feeling in your stomach as you scream.  See my flesh wants to be Orpah.  Now Orpah didn’t do anything wrong.  It doesn’t state that Orpah sinned in the presence of God.  It was Orpah choice to go back to Moab, to go back to her familiar. However, notice you do not hear about Orpah after that. It’s as she vanished away.

Nevertheless, I find myself wanting to be Orpah.  Oh how staying at a place of familiar can feel so comfortable, but it’s not.  If you stay too long it can become your own hindrance in regards to the next chapter of your journey.  If not careful, darkness can feel like your friend.

Honest, this is a struggle within that I am finding to pound harder the closer it gets to the month of June (the month my husband transitioned).  Conversely, there is beauty in these ashes!

Psalms 143: 4

Therefore, is my spirit overwhelmed within me; my heart within me is desolate.

The Lord showed me how David as the mighty king he was, had moments of depression.  What I admire about David is he gave everything to God.  His good, his bad, and even his ugly.  In this Psalm I can relate to what David was feeling.  Being so overwhelmed with everything that come with this widow journey.  Oh but I love how he pours out to God!

Psalms 143:11

Quicken me, O Lord, for they name’s sake: for thy righteousness’ sake bring my soul out of trouble.

Oh, when I ask the Lord to quicken me when I feel overwhelm, He come like a pleasant wind blowing on summer day and grants me HIS peace.  I truly am grateful that even with this struggle, I can yet go to Abba.

Be encouraged widows!