Bittersweet Found Freedom

In her book A Widow’s Journey, author Gale Roper makes a statement that has stayed with me. “At contrast, there’s a strange freedom in this new life that allows me to do whatever I want whenever I want” (Roper, p53).

This strange freedom is a hidden gem within this widow journey.  Especially as a woman, you begin to enjoy doing what you want.  If I wash clothes today or tomorrow, it’s just me.  If I cook dinner or want to order out, it’s just me. If I want to clean today or leave it for tomorrow, it’s just me.    You develop the “it’s just me” syndrome and if honest, even begin to enjoy the fact that there is no one else to consider or answer to concerning your everyday life.

It’s what I call the bittersweet freedom.  It’s sweet that I can do or be whatever I want and all it is affecting is me. Yet there’s bitterness to this new found freedom.    How did we get it  in the first place, by part of our lives ending with the death of our love ones.  It’s as Ms. Roper puts it,  the two sides of this widowhood coin (Roper, p53).  With that freedom also comes the days when loneliness is hitting you in the face.  You go out alone.  You eat alone.  At times you even grieve alone. It’s during those times you long to be with your love one even if it’s just for one more time.  Let’s face it, there is a reason why Abba stated it’s not good for men to be alone.  Sometimes I go out to eat just to be around some people.  Just so for a little while the edge of being alone most of the time feels gone.

Yet I can’t help but to reflect on our High Priest and how he even understands what is like to be or feel alone.  Just picture the Messiah on the cross.  There He was being sin for us, but having to feel God the Father turn his back on him.  “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”  There he was alone.

What a beautiful God we serve.  We can truly come to him about anything, even being alone.  When we come to Him, he is there with open arms sending his grace for us to endure it in Him!  Yes, this bittersweet found freedom can be another rollercoaster ride for sure.  Oh but how I am so glad us widows don’t have to ride these waves alone.  He is mightier than the waves of the sea.  He is yet there to be with us to turn that bitter into sweet. 

Be encouraged widows J

References

Roper, G. (2015). A Widow's Journey.